Some of you heard me mention this past Sunday the friend who came to me on a Monday morning while I was pastoring a congregation in Indiana several years ago. His words to me were, "You are one of the most angry people I know". He cared enough to observe my tone of voice, my mannerisms, my facial expression-and despite the protests in my mind over his assessment, he was right. That night after my family had gone to bed I decided to take some time to think about what he had said. I was lying on the floor in front of the parsonage fireplace. As I thought about what my friend had said strong emotions of anger began to come to the surface. It wasn't long until I was literally pounding the floor with my fist (fortunately deep pile carpet was stylish in those days) in rage. I don't even remember now the specifics of my anger. Most of it had to do with my efforts to be the "perfect pastor". (I think my tie was too tight!!) To make a long story short God met me in that room. For some reason He impressed me to go to the book of Jonah and it was in this story of an angry prophet that I found deliverance from the foothold I had given the devil. In Jonah 2 there is recorded Jonah's prayer. At the end of that prayer Jonah said, "salvation comes from the Lord". It was in that phrase that the Lord showed me that all of my efforts at performing in the Kingdom were useless. Worse yet they would leave me frustrated, angry, deceived and blind to my true condition. What He wanted was for me to quit trying so hard to please people, and myself and begin to rest in His salvation. I don't have time to go into detail but a stronghold was broken there in that room. Anger began to subside-the enemy was knocked off the place I had given him and the healing restoring power of the Gospel began a work of renewal in my heart. That most certainly wasn't the end of my struggle with being angry-I still have to deal with it as all of you do. But it was a great lesson in the ability of the Lord to deliver me from it. It was a wonderful example of how He uses people in the Body of Christ to build the Body up.
Thanks for reading my story. I'd like to hear from you if you have any feed-back or if you would just like to talk about your own journey in this.
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A realization I had about anger was it's deep root in my life because that was the primary means of communication in my family growing up. We didn't express emotions except for anger. In college, I learned that anger comes from being hurt. At that point, I realized that I never felt the "hurt" part, but went straight to anger because that was my "default" pattern. But you can't deal with the issue that way because anger blinds us to the stuff going on underneath it.
ReplyDeleteI've tried to make it a habit that whenever I jump straight to an anger response to something to take time with the Lord to examine what the underlying issues/feelings are. Often it is because I have felt threatened, cut down, or marginalized by something, all of which go back to the "self-worth" question. I have an aresnol of verses to remind me that I belong to God, am His chosen daughter, and that nothing can separate me from His love.
Hey Connie thanks for being so transparent about this. That's a great insight of how anger blinds us to stuff going on underneath it. I really hope and pray that your new family will be good examples of how to communicate in the right way. As your older brother I am committed to you in this. You are a great little sister.
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